What Perfectionism Really Looks Like
Perfectionism may not sound completely negative – it’s good to have high standards, right? However, perfectionism is often not just about wanting to do well. The need to be perfect is usually driven by anxiety over making mistakes or being rejected.
Perfectionism goes beyond high standards and includes a pattern of fearing making mistakes, procrastination, overpreparing, and judging yourself harshly. This can leave you feeling isolated, stressed, and overworked.
Why Perfectionism Creates More Anxiety
If you struggle with perfectionism, you may be stuck in a cycle of feeling anxiety about not doing well, followed by internal pressure to do things perfectly. This reinforces your anxiety even more, because by fixating on avoiding mistakes, you’re sending yourself the message that the only acceptable way to be is perfect.
Over time, this builds stress, tension, and disconnects you from the very thing your perfectionism is trying to solve – seeking connection and acceptance.
The Fear of Getting It Wrong
Some perfectionistic people believe that their perfectionism is fueled by motivation, making it difficult to challenge perfectionistic patterns. However, often perfectionism is driven more from a fear of getting it wrong than a motivation to do better.
Underlying perfectionism can be many fears, including the following:
- Fear that something catastrophic will happen if you make a mistake
- Worry that you’ll be rejected by others
- Fear that people won’t accept you if you have flaws
- A sense that embarrassment over mistakes will be intolerable to bear
- Worry around harming others if you don’t make perfect decisions
- Fear that you won’t be able to move on if you let something go that’s not perfect
How Perfectionism Can Keep You Stuck
As mentioned earlier in this article, perfectionism can become a cycle that reinforces itself. Once you get caught up in perfectionism, you may find yourself entangled in procrastinating and avoiding, which keeps you fixated on what you’re trying to accomplish perfectly, while not actually being able to move forward.
Perfectionism also leads to burnout, which can be very painful as you try to accomplish your tasks perfectly with less and less energy and capacity. Perfectionism can also lead to missed opportunities – as you remain stuck on getting current projects perfect, you can miss out on other opportunities that may bring fulfillment and interest.
Progress Instead of Perfection
Perfectionism is a painful habit and pattern that can leave you feeling stuck, burned out, and anxious. The path forward out of perfectionistic cycles involves recognizing the cost of perfectionism in order to let it go in favor of making progress towards your values and goals. This involves shifting from a mindset around completing tasks perfectly, to a more holistic view of your life where you recognize the connections, pursuits, and meaningful activities that you’ve been missing out on while chasing perfection.
Letting go of perfectionism requires a high dose of self-compassion, the process of being kind to yourself even through your mistakes. Self-compassion involves recognizing that you’re worthy of acceptance and belonging even when you make mistakes. Recognizing this can allow you to be more forgiving of yourself in favor of engaging more fully in your life.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy for perfectionism can help you reduce perfectionistic thinking, build a kinder relationship to yourself, and clarify how you’d rather spend your time and attention. In therapy, you have the opportunity to recognize what you most want out of life, and take manageable steps away from perfectionistic behaviors and towards your values.
If you’re in Texas, I’m a licensed professional counselor specializing in helping people let go of perfectionistic thinking and build more inner kindness. I offer virtual sessions for people throughout Texas, and in-person sessions in my Houston office. If you’re interested in working with me, schedule a free consultation call at the link below.