Having trouble relaxing when there’s nothing obviously wrong is a confusing experience. You might feel tense, restless, and watchful despite there being no obvious threat in front of you.
Anxiety doesn’t always need an obvious external threat to become activated. Your mind and body can remain on edge and prepared for danger even during objectively calm moments.
What Being Constantly on Edge Can Look Like
Being constantly on edge from anxiety that doesn’t have a clear cause can show up in a variety of ways. Some symptoms you may notice include:
- Muscle tension
- Irritability
- Racing thoughts
- Difficulty sitting still
- Trouble sleeping
- Checking for problems
- Feeling guilty for no obvious reason
- Immediately filling in downtime with tasks
When Rest Itself Starts to Feel Uncomfortable
For some people, slowing down and resting can feel like the moment when anxiety becomes most present for them. This is because as you slow down, you may become more aware of anxious thoughts and sensations that were already present but were less noticeable when you were keeping busy.
This can lead to an unhelpful cycle, during which rest feels uncomfortable, so you stay busy to try and escape the anxious feelings you notice when moments are calm.
Why Your Nervous System May Stay on Alert
Your nervous system may be staying on alert for several possible reasons. For some people, repeated stress leads to their nervous system being stuck on “on”, where they feel constantly alert and on edge.
For others, chronic struggles with anxiety can lead to nervous system over-activation, where anxiety compounds on itself. This may look like starting out having anxiety about one particular trigger, but that trigger spirals out to include more and more triggers as anxiety grows.
Some people have a history of traumatic experiences that cause their nervous system to remain alert long after the traumatic event is over. Lifestyle and environmental factors may also contribute, such as poor sleep, excessive caffeine, or sensory overload.
Your nervous system could be on alert from one or several of these causes, or causes not listed here. It’s important not to get too caught up in finding a cause, as focusing too much on this can serve to only exacerbate your tension and anxiety. Instead, focusing on how you respond to anxiety can be more constructive.
Anticipatory Anxiety: Waiting for Something to Go Wrong
Often, when your nervous system feels like it’s in overdrive, you are experiencing anticipatory anxiety. Anticipatory anxiety is the experience of scanning the future for potential problems even when the present moment appears safe. This type of anxiety involves preparing for worst-case scenarios, having difficulty trusting calm periods, and engaging in “what if” thinking.
For example, you may start worrying about potential future car accidents, health problems, or being fired from your job. These are all fears that are not necessarily triggered by anything happening in your present, but become a focus of your mind and start to feel more and more distressing and real the more you think about them.
How the Need for Control Can Make Relaxing Harder
Persistent and chronic anxiety often involves a desire for control. As your worry increases, you start to grasp for a way to reassure yourself and feel in control of your future.
A need for control can involve excessive planning, checking, overpreparing, or mentally rehearsing possible feared outcomes. These behaviors can offer temporary relief and reassurance, but over time create an unhealthy pattern where you reinforce the belief that constant vigilance is necessary.
Why Telling Yourself to ‘Just Relax’ Usually Doesn’t Work
Telling yourself to “just relax” sounds like an obvious strategy, but this approach can often backfire. When you insist that you relax in the face of anxiety, you may be adding stress and pressure to yourself, as you now feel that you have to do something about the anxiety to make it go away.
“Just relax” also has an element of judgment to it, and this can leave you feeling discouraged that you are unable to move on from your anxiety.
Instead, finding a more compassionate approach can be a good start towards responding to your anxiety in a more helpful way. You can start by acknowledging your anxious feelings without trying to calm them down. Notice your anxiety is simply a feeling, and not necessarily evidence that something is wrong.
What Acceptance Can Look Like When You Feel Anxious
When you feel anxious, you may be tempted to either calm yourself down or give in to the anxiety and try to prepare for whatever you feel it is warning you of. An alternative to these responses is acceptance, or treating your anxiety as something to observe and allow to pass through you, rather than something to manage or control.
This process involves noticing anxious thoughts and sensations without needing to eliminate them. You might find it helpful to name that you are experiencing anxiety, while also reminding yourself of what else might be going on in the present. This allows you to expand your perspective and give yourself room to make a different choice about how you want to move forward.
You Don’t Have to Feel Calm Before You Live Your Life
When you’ve been living life with your nervous system in constant overdrive, it can feel like you’re not able to start living until you can figure out how to calm down. But when taking an acceptance approach towards anxiety, you can learn that you’re able to move forward in your life even when anxious thoughts remain.
Acceptance approaches to anxiety encourage you to identify what matters to you, and pursue these values and goals even while anxiety might come and go in your life. Anxiety has a tendency to shrink lives – you may start out fearful of a few things, only to find yourself avoiding more and more situations to try and gain control. Notice how anxiety has limited your life, and reclaim whatever you hope to achieve, pursue, or enjoy.
When Therapy Can Help You Feel Less Controlled by Anxiety
Anxiety that persists even when nothing is wrong can take time and effort to recover from. Support in the form of therapy may be helpful if you notice yourself experiencing any of the following:
- Chronic tension
- Sleep disruption
- Avoidance of things that matter to you
- Inability to enjoy downtime
- Feeling exhausted from always being on alert
Acceptance-based approaches to therapy can help you respond to your anxiety in a different way so that you can find a more expansive life that allows you to do the things that matter to you.
I’m a licensed professional counselor specializing in acceptance and commitment therapy for anxiety, and if you’ve seen yourself in this article, I may be a good fit to work with you. I offer virtual sessions for people throughout Texas and in-person sessions in my Houston office. If you’re interested in working with me, schedule a free consultation call or video chat at the link below.