Why We Compare Ourselves
If you’re human, you’ve probably caught yourself comparing yourself to other people at some point or another. This common human tendency is part of how our minds are designed. We are inherently social creatures who want to be accepted, and we have minds that often want to analyze and problem-solve- which leads to a powerful desire of wanting to see how we compare to others.
Some amount of comparison can be useful, such as recognizing when you’re falling behind in school or work and need to problem-solve a way to make sure you get the support you need to succeed. But if left unchecked, comparison can lead to anxiety, stress, and depression as you tie your self-worth to how you feel that you measure up to others. And add in the pressures in our society to be thin, beautiful, young, and able-bodied, and a comparison mindset can leave you critiquing every aspect of your appearance.
How Social Media Intensifies Comparison
Social media compounds comparison by giving you access to countless people to compare yourself to. Instead of comparing yourself just to your immediate social group, social media gives you thousands of people you can look up to and find yourself lacking.
Add to this the curated nature of social media, which means you’re comparing yourself to someone’s carefully selected photos of themselves. With photo editing tools and AI, these images become even more impossible to measure up to – how can you possibly measure up to a computer-enhanced image?
And the algorithms on social media apps are designed to prey upon your insecurities – if you give attention to a particular type of content, the algorithm will show you more. So if there’s a body feature you’re most critical of in yourself, you may find your feed filled with reminders of how other people compare in that regard.
The Comparison Trap
While some amount of comparison is a normal part of being human and checking if you’re keeping up with those around you, excessive comparison can become a trap that is difficult to escape from. When critiquing your body and seeing how other bodies compare, you’re setting yourself up for frustration and shame.
Comparison can create a mental loop in which you continually monitor yourself for flaws and monitor others for how they appear to be flawless. As you seek evidence to show that your body and appearance are the problem, your beliefs about how unworthy you are grow and become more solidified, making it harder to leave the comparison cycle and accept yourself as you are.
How Comparison Affects Self-Worth
Once you find yourself stuck in the comparison trap, you may notice that your self-worth suffers. Excessively comparing yourself to others often leads you to criticize and judge yourself for the ways you feel that you don’t measure up to other people. This constant internal judgment takes an emotional toll, leading to shame, depression, and anxiety.
Shifting Attention Back to Your Own Values
Finding your way out of the comparison trap is important in order to reclaim your self-worth and build a more fulfilling life. When you are focused on your failings, your life can become very narrow, where you can only focus on what is wrong with yourself.
You can find freedom from this narrow life by connecting with your values. Instead of focusing on what your mind (and social media) tells you what is wrong with you, focusing on valued actions allows you to spend more time living in your life, rather than waiting to feel worthy enough to start engaging in your life.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy for overcoming body comparison can offer you the guidance to move through shame, grieve the time you spent living up to impossible expectations, and connect with what matters most to you. Your body image struggles may feel as though they are ever-present, but therapy can help you unhook from these struggles and find more freedom.
If you’re in Texas, I’m a licensed professional counselor specializing in helping you to grow kindness and acceptance toward your body so that you can live your life more fully. I offer virtual sessions for people throughout Texas, and in-person sessions in my Houston office. If you’re interested in working with me, schedule a free consultation call at the link below.