As a religious trauma specialist, I’ve heard from more than a few clients about their challenging experiences when bringing up religious trauma with a previous therapist unprepared to talk about it. Because of the pervasive nature of religious trauma, you may encounter a therapist who has their own biases, triggers, and unresolved wounds around religious harm, leaving them incapable of holding the emotional weight of this therapeutic theme. Another possibility is encountering a therapist who inappropriately proselytizes and tries to unduly influence their clients to stick with a religious community even as the client expresses doubts or reports abuse and harm from that religious community. As a therapist it pains me to admit that these experiences are possible, but I also believe it’s important to name issues within the therapy field so that have the opportunity to navigate these issues with more awareness.
If you’ve encountered this as a therapy client – I’m so sorry you had to experience this. You took a brave step to disclose your wounds around religion, and this should have been handled with care and without any attempt to influence your relationship with your religion. It’s hard to return to therapy after an issue like this, but I hope that you will find from this post that there are therapists well equipped to approach your religious trauma with care. And if you’re new to therapy and just getting started finding a counselor, my hope is that this post gives you a starting point in your search to help you land with a therapist competent in handling your traumatic religious experiences.
Step 1: If possible, find a therapist openly discussing religious trauma
Religious trauma therapy is growing as a specialization, which means if you do a little digging, you may be able to find a therapist explicitly naming religious trauma and their expertise in this area. There is no single certification or license that governs practicing religious trauma therapy, so each therapist will have their own unique path that led them to be competent in this area. Many religious trauma therapists bring a blend of their own personal experience with religious trauma, trainings on the topic, and ongoing consultation and supervision with fellow religious trauma therapists. When reading about a religious trauma therapist, notice if how they discuss their work resonates with you and speaks to how you feel about religious trauma. This will give you a clue that they will likely understand and validate your religious trauma.
Some ways to find a therapist openly discussing religious trauma are:
- Searching online for “religious trauma counseling” and your geographical area
- Searching the Reclamation Collective directory
- Searching the Secular Therapy Project directory
- Searching the Inclusive Therapists directory, particularly under the “spiritual and religious trauma” specialty
- If you’re in Texas, you can book a call with me to see if I’m a good fit to work with you
Step 2: Schedule a consultation call and bring up religious trauma
Many counselors offer a free introductory call to get to know them and their approach. I recommend scheduling this call and planning to bring up religious trauma. You can learn a lot from this short phone call and how a therapist responds to questions about religion. If you don’t get a chance to ask everything on the call, a first session is also a great time to ask any questions you have.
If the therapist sounds unsure of how to respond, acts defensive, or espouses viewpoints that don’t align with your values, these are all signs this therapist may not be the right fit for you. I recommend scheduling at least 3 introductory calls with different therapists and waiting until you’ve completed them all to book with a therapist. Many religious trauma survivors struggle with people-pleasing, so planning to have multiple calls can help you feel more free to say no to a therapist who’s not the right fit.
Some questions to ask on a consultation call:
- Are you familiar with the term religious trauma and/or religious deconstruction?
- What is your approach to treating religious trauma?
- What makes you qualified to work with religious trauma?
- Are you religious yourself and how does that affect your approach to therapy work with clients?
- What is your familiarity with my particular religious denomination?
- Are you LGBTQ+ affirming in your approach, and are you aware of the impact of anti-LGBTQ+ religious messages on people in this community?
- Are you comfortable with all possible outcomes after someone questions their religious affiliation? How will you feel if I leave or stay in my religious community?
Step 3: Revisit conversations around religious trauma frequently throughout your work with a therapist
Even if you’ve thoroughly asked questions about a therapist’s approach to religious trauma in the beginning, I recommend bringing up this topic throughout your work with them. Feedback is incredibly helpful to the therapy process, so don’t hesitate to communicate to your therapist how their approach to religious trauma is working for you.
Some ways to give feedback around religious trauma:
- “I’d like us to talk more specifically about how my religious experiences growing up harmed me. We tend to spend a lot of time talking about my family dynamics but I think religion also played a significant role in how I was raised and what shaped me.”
- “I know we’ve never talked about sex in here but I’ve realized that I have some unresolved trauma from sexually shaming messages in the church I was raised in. Can we talk about that?”
- “I’m concerned that even though I’ve left the religion I was raised in, that I still have some lingering unhelpful patterns that have stuck around from religion. I’d like to talk about how some of my current issues have their roots in religious teachings I was taught.”
If you haven’t brought up religious trauma in your original call with your therapist, you might have to bring it up for the first time at some point in the course of therapy. Maybe you didn’t realize religious trauma was relevant until later in the counseling process, or you weren’t ready to bring it up at first. In this case, it’s never too late to bring up religious trauma and ask the questions listed in the previous section on consultation calls. If your therapist does not appear competent or comfortable answering these questions, you may want to consider whether you’ll be able to fully address your religious trauma in this counseling relationship.
It can feel overwhelming to change therapists after you’ve developed a relationship with a therapist, and so I can understand if you’re hesitant to do this. However, there may be therapists who truly aren’t able to navigate this topic with care. In that case, the transition to a new therapist could be worth the effort and uncertainty. Remember that you are always entitled to end a counseling relationship at any point in the process, so if that becomes what’s best for you, don’t hesitate to take that step.
Example ways to end a relationship with a therapist who is not competent in religious trauma:
- “I’ve tried to bring up ways religion has harmed me several times and you seem uncomfortable discussing this topic. I’ve gotten a lot of value out of our time together but I feel that I need to take some time working with a therapist who is well versed in this topic. After today’s session I’ll be taking a pause from our work to do this.”
- “Anytime I bring up that I want to leave my religious community, I sense from you that you don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ve realized I need to work with someone who’s more comfortable with me asking these questions and exploring the option of leaving religion.”
- “I appreciate our time together but I no longer plan to continue our sessions.”
You deserve to work with a therapist who really gets your religious trauma
Counseling works best when you feel safe enough to bring your full self to therapy. If your therapist is unable to provide a secure environment for you to bring up religious trauma, you may benefit from offering them this feedback or seeking a therapist who is competent to work with religious trauma.
If you’re in Texas, my name is Ashley Hamm, Licensed Professional Counselor, and I’m a religious trauma specialist who’s passionate about creating a safe place to discuss the harms of high-control religious environments. Schedule a free introductory call at the link below to explore how I might be able to help you address this crucial aspect to your mental health and wellbeing.
Get started with a religious trauma specialist
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